"The exchange of strength and inspiration push us forward."

Although Owee has hiked more than 50 miles combined, we are getting prepared for her first extended hike and subsequent camping adventures. In March we will be hiking part of the Rogue River Trail; this trail starts approximately 34 miles west of Grants Pass, winds 40 miles along the Rogue River until you are approximately 35 miles east of Gold Beach. This hike will be a trial run for the PCT. Owee wants to hike and camp solo, this will be her chance to learn:

• How to set up her tent
• How to prepare her meals
• How to sleep in her own tent
• How to motivate herself to start walking the next morning
• How to pack her backpack
• How to break camp
• How to find water/stay hydrated

I think the biggest challenge will be emotional for Owee, for her to push herself beyond what she thinks she is capable of.

I, on the other hand, am doing all of the dirty work!! To prepare for the hike, I have been:

• Trying to design a dry-food menu that tastes OK
• Stressed about the weight of Owee's tent
• Stressed about the weight of Owee's pack
• Stressed about the travel arrangements
• Stressed about the timing
• Tracking the trail conditions
• Researching the trail and the camp grounds
• Tracking and watching weather conditions
• Worrying about my little girl.

I don't think I have it easier than Owee, and I have to admit she is just as excited about the journey, as am I. I can't wait to be on the trail to walk all day long, I can't wait to set up camp and sleep in the Rogue River Wilderness, and I can't wait to get up the next morning and walk again until it is time to set up camp.

In reality, if this hike doesn't go well, it could be the end of Owee's plan to hike the PCT. I worry constantly about her dreams and her ability to push past the psychological blockades that will surely be a part of this hike and others. I hope she finds strength from me and that I continue to be inspired by her... it is this exchange of strength and inspiration that push us forward.

"Only that which we fear can keep us from greatness."

I've gone on a few hikes in my life. My dad said he took my brother Patrick and I on several hikes when we were younger; I mentioned the beautifully memorable Saddle Mountain hike in a previous blog. As a young child I went on walks with my friend Nicole and her family. A couple times a week Nicole and I would walk the 1+ mile round trip to Village Drug for 5 cent candy. As a teen I was not interested in walking or hiking and as an adult I went on a couple hikes in Colorado, Estes Park and another in Boulder; but there was no true desire or love. And about 3/4 years ago I tried to get Robb and the kids into going out into nature. I managed to get them out a couple of times but there was no true love for the activity throughout the group.

I think this changed when I discovered a love for hiking. I stumbled upon this love for hiking because Tyler loved getting out on the trail. We did some shorter walks, nothing too exciting, and then the trail I always wanted to do: Multnomah Falls. I had gone as far as the bridge but not further. Tyler and I went after work in August on a Saturday. It was muggy hot, the sun was out and there were no clouds; the trail went up and up for a couple miles, I was out of shape and we stopped several times. I really did not think I could do it and started to complain a couple of times before pressing forward. I discovered that I am a tenacious hiker, I don't tire easily, I have a good stride and a desire to move forward. I wasn't like this when we tried to get me up to the top of Multnomah Falls, but soon afterward I found my drive and motivation.

All of the hikes have a period at the beginning where I wonder if I can make it... and it seems like ever single hike starts by going uphill!! What are the odds?! What I have figured out is that I can push through my discomfort and it eventually goes away. I no longer fear the trail ahead of me because "what goes up, must come down!" There is always a descent after the ascent and it always seems to start when I don't think I can go any further. 

Only that which we fear can keep us from greatness.

The trail is nothing to fear.

For myself, and from what I have observed with Owee, hiking is about self-discovery. As women we question our strength and abilities and often we doubt these two things. As Owee told me before, she has a fear about these hikes and to squelch the fear, she feels she must confront them. 

The more blogs and accounts of their journeys on the PCT, the more I read the more I discover the motivation for the majority of the hikers take the trail to either find themselves, find purpose, or test their own boundaries. The definition of a pilgrimage is: any long journey, especially one undertaken as a quest or for a votive purpose. I feel "pilgrimage" describes the journey Owee and I are on. 

Owee is a Christian, she goes to church almost every week, she tries her best to live in a way that follows God's plan. Part of her journey is to sacrifice her comfort, push herself, and to show homage and dedication to something greater than herself. Has she said this? Not in so many words... beyond her desire to a be a "notable hiker" she has said she wants to do this for a cause, she has said she wants to face her fears, and she has said she wants to blaze the trails to push past her boundaries. I would also call myself a Christian, though I am flawed, I am a sinner, and every day I have to reflect on myself and ask for guidance, forgiveness, and strength... I am weak, meek, and imperfect. I want to start my pilgrimage on the PCT to find myself and strengthen my relationships with God, Owee, and with myself. I will make this pilgrimage as the hundreds have before me. I want to put on my shoes and I want to walk until I run out of trail. 

I don't know that I ever knew who I was, and at 29 (if you ask my children, they will tell you I am NOT 38) with three children, I still am not sure who I am. What defines me? What defines the person I am meant to be? Not every pilgrimage starts with religious intent but many end with an awakening. 

For a greater understanding of hiking and the pilgrimages we make, I recommend the movie The Way (it can be found on Netflix). It is my favorite movie; it is an emotional journey of a man who loses his adult son during that son's pilgrimage on the Camino de Santiago (aka "The Way of St. James"). Martin Sheen's character experiences a spiritual and personal growth, as do the other pilgrims that join him on his journey; this band of misfits have a character or character element that everyone can relate to in some manner. I watched this after the decision was made to hike the PCT by Owee and it only inspires me further.

I think we all make a pilgrimage of one sort or another, all of our paths are different and all of us discover ourselves on our own terms. I don't know that many parents get the opportunity to make this journey with one of their children as I hope to make with mine.

Whether is is a 10 mile journey that brings us clarity, 2600 miles, or 1,000 future hikes... it reminds me of my childhood friend Nicole who always loved the saying, "Life is a journey, not a destination."

"Proving to yourself what you already know."

I am going to explain what it means for Owee to "solo-hike," after I share with you some stories that tie this all together. I guess this is my modus-operandi! 

For Christmas, Owee wanted her "big gift" to be a SteriPEN, this is a handheld UV water sterilizer, I thought this was an unusual gift for a child but knowing her love for hiking, it seemed like a sound investment. Robb, Tyler, and I spent a lot of time researching online and at REI looking for the perfect SteriPEN; we were rewarded at Christmas when she was thrilled with her new "toy."

Later, Tyler and I went back to REI for GPS locators. We spoke with a saleswoman who showed us the specs on the SPOT units. She asked us what we needed a locator for and we explained that Owee wanted to solo-hike the PCT. The saleswoman's jaw dropped; she started talking about snakes the "party towns" the trail goes through, the day hikers, etc. I realized that she thought we were sending Owee out on the trail by herself. I quickly backtracked and tried to explain that she would have adults with her at all times, I tried to explain what "solo-hike" meant to Owee; however the saleswoman stopped listening to me. She stopped short of giving me any actual parenting advice, but the look in her eyes said enough.

This confrontation made me realize that other people may make similar assumptions about our obscure parenting techniques and believe we are going to send Owee out onto the trail by herself; this could not be further from the truth. It is also a good time to point out that although I may not look as if I would be able; I am physically fit, I have amazing endurance, and I have a psychological drive that will enable me (without a doubt in my mind) to complete these hikes. 

To Owee and myself, this is more than just completing a goal, it is about proving it to ourselves what we already know we are capable of doing.

I think this is a good time to explain in detail what a solo-hike is to us and especially to Owee. Many young people hike portions or all of the Pacific Crest Trail, but Owee wants some fame and recognition; Owee wants to be a "notable hiker" by doing something that has not been done before. She cannot be the youngest hiker, I refer to 8 year old Sierra who thru-hiked with her mother the entire PCT from April-September 2012. So Owee's goal is to carry all of her own gear, food, and water, she will prepare her own meals, she will set up and break down her own camp, and she will navigate her own way. This really is no easy feat. We hope that by having lightweight gear and dry food products, we can keep the weight of her pack under 30 pounds.

There have been times when I have tried to disuade Owee from this idea. I have been the devils advocate by bringing up dangers of the trail, the weight of the pack, sleeping in her own tent, potential issues, etc. But Owee, like her mother, is tenacious and determined. She is not scared, she knows she will never be truly alone, and she knows it is because we love her that we express our concerns.

My children are amazing, and yes I am biased; they may not be perfect, but they are amazing.

"It's a Mental Health Day."

My children are unique and our parenting strategies have probably created these special people. We have an open language policy and we have encouraged Owee, Cormac, and Miranda to speak their minds, question things that don't make sense to them, and be their own persons. 

When Miranda was a little girl, she had a strange fashion sense... purple leggings with pink stars, a white Christmas themed turtleneck, both under a pink leotard and frilly tutu. Owee would match stripes with stripes, polka dots with polka dots, all purple one day, and all pink the next. Cormac would find one thing he liked and wear it until it didn't fit or fell apart; a fancy batman button-up shirt made its way into 3 fall school pictures and 2 spring pictures. They each eventually moved on to dressing like young adults and making decisions as young adults - not always are these perfect decisions but I think that is part of becoming an adult.

Another parenting strategy was providing the kids with one "mental health day" per year. This year the day is mine to do something with my child that both of us would enjoy. Cormac and I went shopping, had lunch, and went to see a scary movie. For Owee, I did a hiking trifecta! This was a chance to hike in less than ideal weather and to try our hands at cooking on the go. Miranda's MHD is still TBD.

Documented hikes 4, 5, and 6 on October 22, 2012

Mount Talbert - 2.75 miles in 1:15. We got to the parking lot and camped out in the picnic area to learn how to use the camp stove and make some dehydrated breakfast! The trail winds through a protected area next to the freeway but you never see it. It seemed so rural at times and there were no other people on the trail; it could have been that it was a weekday or it could have been the rain keeping others away. Owee followed the map and lead the way.
 

Powel Butte - 2.72 miles in 1:11. The location was under construction so we walked through muddy detours, and 2 blocks of SE Portland just to get  to the lack of a trail head; the trail head was also under construction! This hike was also quiet with very few other walkers due to the rain and lack of a view. We goofed around a bit and talked about life and the trails that would be ahead of us.

Mount Tabor - Stairs meant only 1.15 miles in 40 minutes. I have heard great things about Mount Tabor, the weather was still bad but we stopped long enough at a picnic table and playground for Owee to heat up the water for our instant meals.. and then she devoured her lunch!

 

Even with being drenched to the bone she pressed on and helped motivate me at times too. I think her favorite part was having her very own hydration pack to use. 

"Get out and move, it makes memories."

Anyone who truly knows me, knows that I have some memory issues; according to my neurologist, I have problems pulling memories from my bank of memories. There is no rhyme or reason to what I remember and what I forget, somethings are there and some are not.

Two memories I have that I cherish are outings that my dad took my brother and myself on. One was a trail where my brother and I rode our bikes and my dad ran. The other adventure was a hike up Saddle Mountain near Banks Oregon. I am sure I had a crappy attitude, I was a teen or preteen and I was an unhappy person; I was a nightmare. I am sure I complained about this hike, the hike is currently listed as challenging and I was not a fan of exercise. I remember going up hill, I remember an area of loose shale that we had to scramble across, and I remember some cable that made me question the sanity of the hike. Then we reached the viewpoint where we were above the clouds. I remember standing there looking across a fluffy white blanket where I knew a view should be; I was absolutely mesmerized that I could have walked to a point above the clouds. 

Dad, I am sorry if I was a pill during this hike. Just know that it is one of my fondest memories.

This picture is not from that hike up Saddle Mountain,
but it is a picture of my Dad and I that I also cherish.
My sister Jocelyn is on the left and my brother Greg is on the right.

Cormac doesn't like hiking, not one bit. He complains the entire time and does his best to ruin it for everyone in hopes that we do not invite him along the next time. Bribing works with him, but I don't want to have to bribe him to spend time outdoors. The only thing I can do is focus on the outdoor activities that he enjoys. Cormac likes when we go to the beach, he likes fishing, and he likes to go camping; these are all activities I can enjoy with him, so it is a fair trade off.

Miranda is so easy going, one of her common phrases is "finewithme," and no, I did not forget the spaces... that is really how she says it. Miranda will go on walks, hikes, camping, anything outdoors she loves.

And we have talked about Owee with her love of hiking and being outdoors.

There is something about nature and being with people whom you love that can create a memory that is easily recalled. I hope that I am creating memories with my adventures, those they loved or did not. I hope even Cormac will remember one of these outings with the fondness I have for the Saddle Mountain hike.

I have to encourage parents to get out and move with their children, it makes memories.

"You can let them learn to fly and still protect them from falling."

One thing that is difficult as a parent is watching your child near the edge of a trail, cliff, canyon, etc. My stomach drops down to my toes, I want to scream, and I can suddenly move faster than The Flash; worse than this sensation is knowing that my children tempt fate like this more often when I am not around. Just as a mommy bird urges the babies out of the nest to test their wings, I let my baby birds forge ahead on the trail and lead the rest of us into the wonders that lay before us.

Documented hike 3: Salmon River 5 hours, 8.25 miles

On October 17, 2012 Owee, Miranda, Tyler, and I tackled the first 4 miles of the upper Salmon River trail.

 
This was one of those trails that went up, up, and up; it was relentless! This was when I started saying that a complaint would result in the death of a baby animal; I know this is unorthodox parenting, unusual, and possibly cruel... But my children know my intent, humor, and loving heart. They took the incline in stride, pushing forward continually and finally they were able to see some wonders. There were felled trees to climb on; one crossed a small stream and my crew was happy to climb aboard! Very late in the season, we only saw a couple salmon running up stream and several more dead along the river bank. We knew there was a view about 4 miles in and as we neared, the trail began to feel vertical. Our goal was to make it to the viewpoint for lunch, we were not disappointed. The stop for lunch was amazing, we were perched on a cliff of crumbling stone. At one point during lunch, Miranda was walking past me on the edge of the cliff and she slipped on loose rock. She stumbled and caught herself before a deadly fall; quickly she plastered herself against the rock wall and exclaimed,"I'm ok!" I wasn't, but Miranda was... She is generally a bit "stumbly"(almost accident prone or clutsy), I blame her above average sized feet, but this was too close for this Momma bird's comfort! I don't want to be overprotective but I also don't want my children to plummet to their death, a reminder was given: before you stop watching your feet and look at the scenery, stop walking and plant your feet firmly under you! You can let them learn to fly and still protect them from falling.

Walking back down was just as fun, we saw the same dead fish along the river banks and looked again at some of the trees. Owee and Tyler struggled with knee pain on the way down, but both survived and it was one of the best hikes for the scenery.

"Her heart is just as big as her dreams and goals."

As we hike we either observe the silence or chat. Anyone who knows an 11 year old girl knows that silence is short lived; Owee is no exception! She can talk when she is winded, she talks when she is asleep, she talks with her mouth full, she talks when she is listening to music, she talks when no one is around, she talks when no one is listening, and she talks when everyone else is talking. I don't mind it because unlike some other young persons, Owee will share with me bits of knowledge and insight which blow me away.

After she had decided she wanted to hike the PCT, out of the blue she said she wanted to do the hike for breast cancer awareness. Wow! She doesn't know anyone with breast cancer and she didn't know my Grandmother Marjorie Willis who fought and eventually succumbed to cancer more than 20 years ago. When I asked her why she claimed that is was a problem and she wanted to do the hike with a purpose.

I have been thinking about how her hike can bring awareness and the options are actually pretty simple. We will be carrying some bracelets and we will be making small ribbons that can be pinned to a backpack or shirt. Owee will be handing these out along the trail to anyone interested in engaging us in conversation. Another thought is to have a light-weight flag or banner we can attach to her backpack. BC awareness gear would also be helpful if it will be light weight and keep her cool/warm as needed.

I wish she had known my grandmother Marjorie; I barely remember her as I was young when she passed. What I do remember was how pretty she was, she was a great cook, and she gave good hugs. My dad and brother are both oncologists who fight breast cancer; I hope we never need their help for cancer treatment or need a referral, but I appreciate what they do. This hike helps Owee to help herself and others.

I love that Owee's heart is just as big as her dreams and goals. How can I even begin to imagine what she will be like when she grows up, when her youth amazes me every day?

 

"When you come to a crossroads wait for the rest of your group.""

Sometimes what makes the hike wonderful is simply the people you take with you. 

Robb and I separated in October 2011, although it was not always easy, we have made this work. I would like to say that Robb and I have a better relationship now and I know I appreciate him more. We now work toward having a "blended family"; though I cannot complain as it has been easy with this group of people! I enjoy all of my people and feel constantly blessed.

Owee's second documented hike:

From Left to right: Aidan, Miranda, Owee, Tyler, Robb, Layla, Me

On October 7, 2012 we wandered aimlessly through Tryon Creek Park in Lake Oswego Oregon. We did less than 3 miles in under two hours with Owee, myself, Tyler, Robb, Miranda (age 15), Cormac (12 at the time), Layla (7 at the time), and Aidan (age 3). We had a cumbersome stroller and at times the terrain was not very friendly! We broke into two groups at several times and lost Miranda and Cormac briefly; this was when we established some rules! Remember, when you come to a crossroads wait for the rest of your group! Overall a wonderful hike with wonderful people! I love these people!

"When you complain, a puppy dies."

Owee has gone on several hikes in the past few months. Our main challenge is the complaining... at times I cannot comprehend how someone who claims to love this, can bitch and moan so much! Again, I am brought back to drawing a link to childbirth and children; the process can be tiresome but the reward is worth the effort. On the Salmon River hike... as we went up hill for 3 straight miles and the complaints compounded and grated on my last nerve; I exclaimed "When you complain a puppy or kitten dies!" Suddenly the girls were overwhelmed with the beauty of our surroundings, pointing out felled trees and salmon running upstream. On the way back down the hill Owee started in again with the complaints, I replied with "Oh no... a baby seal was just clubbed!" Yes, at times I can go too far. Luckily my children understand bad and good humor.

Here is our first documented hike: Silver Falls, 3.5 hours and 7.5 miles

On September 16, 2012 Owee, Tyler and I hiked the Silver Falls Loop. This trail has several waterfalls, some stairs, off-shoo trails, and fun places to take pictures. Owee did not wear any gear and her shoes were less than ideal. But this hike was fun and gave her a taste of what would later be her hiking dreams come true.

"If you are always scared of the difficult things, you will never have a real accomplishment."

Hiking isn't easy, though some trails are easier than others.  

The night before a hike I stress about the potential incline and wonder why I decided on the hike. After you put on your gear and stretch, you start going uphill. It seems that almost every trail starts by sending you uphill... up up and up! While I am trudging up and breathing hard I often wonder if I can go any further. This can be frustrating at times and Owee doesn't always roll with the punches or the inclines! When we reach the summit or the mid-point, we always have some magnificent reward like a view or landmark. And by the end of the hike we are busy planning the next one and hoping for something more challenging.

My favorite part about our hikes together are the conversations we get to have. Owee talks about her friends, teachers, school, and family. She also becomes very insightful. My favorite moment was after she had said she wanted to hike the entire PCT, I asked "Why would you want to do such a tough hike?" She said,  

"If you are always scared of the difficult things, you will never have a real accomplishment. You can't live in fear, Mom." 

She went on to say that if she can do the PCT, she can do anything. I already know she can do anything.


I guess it's like childbirth, we only remember the pain for a short while; the joy, excitement, and pride are easily recalled and last forever.

Owee has really taken to hiking and decided she wanted to hike the entire Pacific Crest Trail. She wants to be "notable" and hopes to have SOLO hiked it by the time she is 15! Of course an adult will be there every step of the way just in case (I hope to hike every mile with her), she will have to pack and carry her own gear as well and set her own camp and navigate. It is a pretty lofty goal!

In March we will be doing the 40 mile Rogue River hike and then in June we are doing our first 120 mile leg of the PCT from Sisters to Cascade Locks. I'd say to wish us luck, but we only need strength, health, and our continued perseverance.

"May I have some cake… please!"

Prior to her 1^st birthday, Owen Dulcie did not speak a word. She would hum along to her favorite television show, Dora the Explorer (foreshadowing...) and she had this melodic laugh that brought a smile to anyone's face. However, she would not talk. If she wanted something she would point to it and her brother and her sister always knew exactly what she wanted. 

Owee, as her brother and sister referred to her, watched and observed everything but would did not say a thing. On her 1^st birthday, after the candles were blown out by myself on her behalf, a surprise cake fight ensued. spongy cake and multicolored sugary frosting hit walls and stuck to the high ceilings. The adults screamed and flung cake before giving in to fits of giggles. I happened to look over at Owee and saw that she was upset, she wasn't crying nor did she seem scared; this toddler was angry. 

I quickly tried to comfort her. "It's OK baby, no one is hurt!" Owee looked into my eyes and said, “May I have some cake… please!” I knew from that look in her eyes that she meant business!

From that moment onward her big brown eyes, eloquent vocabulary, and words of wisdom, charmed me and subsequently got her anything she desired. 

When she claimed at the age of 10 that she wanted to solo-hike the entire PCT (Pacific Crest Trail), she had that same look in her eyes as she did with the birthday cake on her 1st birthday. I said yes without a second thought because I knew she could.

This blog will be used to document Owee and her mother's hikes and outdoor adventures.